Unformed
by ParadiseParrot
Summary: Starscream is sick. Starscream is never sick, which is the first clue that something is truly wrong. He's also entirely unprepared for the fallout. (Skywarp/TC, sparkling OC, discussion of miscarriage)


_So this is something I just kind of slammed out and decided to post, even though it's even more self-indulgent than usual (given that it's a side-fic of an already self-indulgent AU fic). I would recommend checking out Fledgling before you read this, but you don't necessarily have to. It would take place early on in that story if you chose to see it at such._

 _Warnings: this story contains discussion of **miscarriage, death, and some non-graphic mentions of sex/interface/sparksex.** In case you need to avoid those things. Other than that, enjoy!_

* * *

Waking up with spark pain was normal enough. It happened to everyone, or so Starscream had been told. They'd discussed it in his first physical, six months after his forging, telling him it was best to just roll over and return to recharge. Rarely, his doctor had said, did the pain cause more than brief discomfort.

Based on how his spark seemed to twist and burn against his casing, Starscream guessed that this might be worse than the usual. Ridiculous, of course, because Starscream never got sick. When viruses had ripped through the Academy, and left his trinemates curled up in groaning balls, Starscream had always flicked his wings up proudly and strolled to class alone. He liked his little immunity. Proof positive he was made of stronger stuff.

A whine escaped his lips, and he wrapped his arms more tightly around his chest. Had his spark ever burned like this before? That red glow across his berth must be from his optics, too bright in his discomfort.

Discomfort was surely all it was, especially in these early hours. He had been out late with the trine, and he'd hit those triple-filtered shots pretty hard with Skywarp...

He tried to roll over. Perhaps on his side some of the pressure would be relieved, and—no. His low whine became a groan and his wings scraped, squealing, against the berth. No, clearly not. It was as if his spark had tried to burn straight through his frame.

Calling urgent care wouldn't hurt would, it? A brief visit to the doctor on call, and some pain medication. He would just make the comm, and they would bend over backwards to assist their Air Commander.

Unless his comm was going to flash endless, danger-red warnings in face instead, and somehow keep him from inputting the frequency himself. Gritting his dentae in an effort to stay quiet, he heaved himself upright. Gingerly he set his feet down, and felt vague annoyance when he swayed on his heels.

Fortunately, Starscream wasn't the only one home. If Updraft was old enough to feed herself, she could certainly input an urgent care frequency. His lazy sparklet didn't do much else around the place (and young or not, there must have been _something_ she could do).

He fumbled with his door, and it slid open with a clatter that made his head ache. Updraft's door seemed to be even louder, and by the time one shaking hand was on his sparklet's shoulder, he realized vaguely that he was on his knees, wings shivering from the base outwards. His spark flared, and the red glow deepened.

"My dear," he said, then tried to shake her shoulder harder. "Updraft. I need you to make a call, pet." (He'd have to tell Thundercracker how affectionate he could be. He _had_ learned from their gentle batch initiator, after all, just never thought to use that kindness.)

He couldn't tell you what had happened after that, as another wave of pain burned through him.

* * *

Thundercracker woke, optics blinking slowly, to Updraft's little voice.

"TC?" she said. Slowly, he sat up. Her little voice, tired though it was, seemed distressed.

"Updraft?" he said, rubbing the corner of his optic. Beside him, Skywarp stirred, then shifted closer (Thundercracker's arm was numb from his weight, but he wouldn't shake him off). "Sweetspark, listen, it's _very_ late, and we told you the comm was for emergencies..."

"This _is_ an emergency," she said. Thundercracker sat up now, fully awake. "I think Starscream's sick."

"He's probably just hung over," Thundercracker said, quelling the flash of worry in his spark. "He...partied harder than usual, last night. Let him finish purging and I'll come in the morning."

"He's not hung over," Updraft said. He could see her frown in his mind's eye, how her brows pulled together in concentration when she was frustrated. "He came into my room all shivery, and I think he tried to give me a frequency but it was jumbled? Now he's on the floor."

Thundercracker was already off the berth, pulling Skywarp's arm as he went. His conjunx grumbled, his hand thrown over his face. "TC, five more minutes."

"Now," Thundercracker snapped, loud enough to make Skywarp's optics flick online. "I need you to call an ambulance shuttle to Starscream's place."

Skywarp's optics flashed bright. "Is Updraft okay?" he asked immediately. "Is her self-repair acting up?"

"It's for Starscream," Thundercracker said, already making for the door. "Make it quick."

"Are you coming?" Updraft asked worriedly. Over the comm, Thundercracker heard a pained moan. His spark jolted.

"Yes," he said quickly. "Don't touch him, okay, Updraft? We're calling for an ambulance to come and get him, and you might have to let them in. They'll identify themselves."

On his other line, he called Dreadwing. _Get to Starscream's now. Updraft needs you._ Mention of his new charge would get the lug moving if nothing else.

Their flight was hurried and tense, the two of them out of sync in their distress and that making all of it worse. He could not recall a point when Starscream had been sick—he had lied about it once, when he'd sent them off to Luna 2 so he could have Updraft, but carriage was not the same thing. (He'd worried then, too, and had argued often with Skywarp.) Maybe he had a virus, and would pass it off to Updraft. Little sparks like hers, especially ones with SRD, would be extra susceptible. He sped up.

The ambulance had arrived at the same time they did, parked outside the balcony. Thundercracker and Skywarp transformed quickly and slipped past the paramedics. Serious, red-and-white Seekers in the hall were already loading a limp, pallid Starscream onto a stretcher. Behind them, peering through her doorway, were Updraft's bright optics. When she saw them she pushed right past an EMT, straight into Skywarp's arms.

"You did good, kiddo," Skywarp said, picking her right up. "He'll be okay."

"What's wrong with him?" Updraft asked. She was already wriggling, and her optics were too bright.

"The doctors at the hospital will find out." Skywarp said. "Don't worry, okay? That's what hospitals are for."

Thundercracker was struck, as he always was, by how good he was with her. Gentle and friendly, someone Updraft was already so at ease with. He'd long accepted that he was unlikely to compete.

"Will you tell _me,_ though?" Updraft asked, all agitation. Thundercracker glanced around—the medics were shaking their heads, looking at Starscream, and finally he noticed the odd red glow coming from Starscream's chest. Surely they hadn't loosened his spark chamber already, not for a virus.

"We'll let you know everything is alright," Thundercracker said. It was no answer, but Updraft would have to be satisfied with it.

"He's all glowy," Updraft noted softly. "I thought you were never, ever supposed to unhitch your spark chamber?"

"Sometimes doctors have to," Skywarp said, though his voice seemed farther away. "Stay here, okay? Go sit on the couch."

Updraft looked ready to protest, and as Skywarp rushed a medic for answers, Thundercracker tapped the top of her head. "Dreadwing will be here soon to stay with you," he said softly. Updraft stiffened back up. "We have to go along to the hospital."

He still wasn't quite used to the feeling of those little hands reaching up, taking his own larger one. "Can't one of you stay?" she asked. Those bright optics stared up at him. "I don't want to be alone."

She wouldn't have to be, because the door was pulled open, and Dreadwing appeared, his bulk tempered as usual by calm. Immediately Updraft relaxed, and so did Thundercracker. He hated to leave her here and break his promise.

"Keep both optics on her," he ordered the big mech, before moving towards a medic himself. There were answers to be found about Starscream's limp form, and his spark's unsettling glow.

* * *

Updraft was bored. Bored _and_ worried, her least favourite combination, because at least if you were worried with distractions the time could pass by. When she tried to read, the words swum in front of her optics, and it seemed that nothing of interest was happening on the news. Dreadwing's presence helped some, but he was so tired. He had woken up once at her tugging, and asked Updraft so sleepily for another few moment's rest that she'd given up. Eventually she'd curled up on the arm of the couch, like a pet turbofox rather than a sparklet, and dozed off herself.

She hadn't noticed herself sniffling until Dreadwing's arms were around her, and she was being pulled snugly against his warm side. Updraft pulled her wrist across her optics quickly, suddenly self-conscious.

"It's late morning now," Dreadwing said. His hand stroked Updraft's helm. "I imagine that soon I can call, and we will see how your carrier is doing."

Updraft didn't answer, doing her best to keep her vents slow. Worrying about Starscream felt odd, when most of her life had been dedicated to avoiding his attention.

"Do you think he'll die?" she asked weakly. Dreadwing clicked his tongue, sympathetic.

"No," he said firmly. Right away she felt a bit better—Dreadwing wouldn't lie to her. "Your carrier's too stubborn to die like this."

"I wonder what's wrong with him," Updraft said, leaning into Dreadwing's big frame. "No one told me. Do you know?" she asked, turning her head up to look at him.

He shook his head, but Updraft felt his uncomfortable shift, heard the second he hesitated. She scowled, and Dreadwing tapped her head.

"It's to do with the spark," he said. His voice had gone more quiet. "I'll call soon, and see what we can learn. Okay?"

Updraft slumped. "To do with the spark" could mean all kinds of things, after all. Thundercracker had explained a bit, during a lesson, but it seemed to her that sparks were either hard to understand or one of those things for grown-ups to talk about. Maybe even both. Annoyed at her own confusion, she snuggled back under Dreadwing's arm. His optics had already gone dark, and Updraft wondered what mission he had come from that night.

She had almost dozed off too when Dreadwing sat up abruptly. He spoke low into his wrist, and Updraft hadn't quite heard what he was saying, and when he was done he clicked his comm shut, and scooped her up.

"A shuttle's waiting," he told her. "Come on, then. I'll carry you down."

Updraft shivered. At least this time she wouldn't be the one hooked up to an energon drip.

* * *

The shock was still making its way through Thundercracker's systems. It seemed to have overtaken Skywarp's, seeing as his conjux had pushed three chairs together and dropped off into recharge.

Updraft had been easily hidden, because they'd been offworld during her early life. They hadn't been back in Vos long when Skywarp had found her, and maybe the surprise had made it easier to settle into their new normal. Luna 2 was no frontier, but Thundercracker had hated overseeing Starscream's business ventures. The optics of tired, flightless miners had never really left him, but their city must have known, and welcomed them back with a surprise. He'd been entirely unprepared for Starscream's sparklet, of course. Not that he could stand to send her back.

All that considered, this new development was a real twist of Primus's knife.

"He's not seeing anyone," Pharma said as he left. The doctor's mouth was set in a grim line, his optics dim. Coincidence had brought them the same doctor who had cared for Updraft, and it seemed that he'd worked just as effectively. At least Starscream had survived it.

"He'll see me," Thundercracker said. "Trine bonds are strong. You wouldn't know."

Pharma raised a brow. "He said he's not seeing _anyone._ He needs time to rest." He turned to go, wings flicking, already focusing on his next patient. "And to grieve. Tread carefully."

Thundercracker spared Skywarp a last glance. One of his conjux's wings pressed uncomfortably against the chairs, and gently he reached out to fix it. Skywarp mumbled something and shifted. Thundercracker opened Starscream's door.

"Go away."

Starscream had tried to snarl, but there was no bite to his words. Thundercracker gently shut the door and strode towards the berth's edge, as if they were about to discuss business and not their personal tragedy. He sat, and let his wings droop. Starscream didn't look up. He hadn't pushed the thermoblanket off, and the energon line in his wrist showed no sign of being tugged at. Thundercracker had expected—no, hoped for—fussing, because it would mean things were going well.

He stared at the clip holding Starscream's spark chamber closed. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Starscream said. He still wouldn't look at Thundercracker, but his optics went brighter. "I didn't even know it was there. What would you have done?"

"I'm sorry for your loss," Thundercracker said. He could be patient. He had always been, and that was why he and Skywarp had stayed so long. "I know this isn't easy."

Starscream's wings fluttered—he'd tried to prick them up when they wanted to droop, and he should have known better than to fight it. His hand found his spark chamber.

"I've had a procedure done to stop merges from igniting. Quite expensive. Worth the trouble, I suppose."

Thundercracker wondered why he hadn't done that right after Updraft's birth. Now was probably not the time to ask, and he was silent for a moment. Seemingly satisfied with Thundercracker's silence, Starscream rattled out a sigh.

"I would have terminated Updraft," he said. "But I didn't notice her in time, and I certainly wasn't about to foist her on some lesser parent. " (Thundercracker had _words_ about that, but now was not the time.) "This one..." Starscream's hand pressed gently on his spark chamber. "Well, it's over and done with. I shouldn't even be telling you this, when I said no visitors."

"You can't keep your trine out, sir." Thundercracker's lips twitched in spite of himself. Starscream's wings relaxed. There were other things to bring up, of course—Starscream's heavy drinking, his ridiculous schedule, his lack of safe interface practices. But now was certainly not the time to place blame. He could have said more, but for a ping on his comm. At the same moment, Skywarp's face peered around the door.

"Dreadwing's almost here," he said, glancing nervously at Starscream. "Do you want to see Updraft now, or wait?"

Starscream lay back gingerly. His trademark scowl had returned. "Why did you send for her? She's not old enough for...these matters."

Skywarp frowned. "We thought you'd—you know what, forget it. Gonna meet her in the shuttle bay." With a purple _crack,_ he'd disappeared.

Thundercracker sighed. "Outliers. I'll join him in a moment, unless you need-"

Starscream waved his hand, too sharply. "Get out. Don't say something foolish to my sparklet."

He could have done to take his own advice, but Thundercracker didn't mention that. Instead, he stood up and flared out his wings, striding back into the hall.

Dreadwing was still rubbing recharge from his optics, and holding Updraft close against him. Her optics were wide and worried, just as they'd left her, and already Skywarp had reached out to take her. The fact that he'd he'd rushed up to Dreadwing for this—a huge mech, whose brother often made them jump for fun—spoke volumes about the situation.

"Is he okay?" Updraft asked, pressing herself close to Skywarp. "Is he very sick? Does he need an energon drip like I did? Is-"

"Shh," Skywarp said. "He'll be fine. Because of you! You called us in time."

"He'll just need to spend another couple of nights," Thundercracker added, before Updraft could stew on what would have happened had she _not_ called them right away. He reached out to stroke the top of her head.

Dreadwing nodded to him, and something like a meaningful look passed between them—certainly the Kaonians would work out what they needed to without their help. Thundercracker nodded curtly.

"You won't be needed this weekend," he said, addressing Dreadwing as the subordinate he was. "Thank you for your prompt attendance."

"I'll go home, then," Dreadwing said."My brother and I will stay informed. Be good, Updraft."

A small smile crossed his face, saying her name, and before Updraft could start protesting his absence he had turned the corner. Those mechs were such a comfort to her—Thundercracker wondered how they would wean Updraft off their presence when she was older, and Starscream had stopped fearing their fists.

"Can I go see him?" Updraft asked, kicking her feet. Right away, Skywarp set her down, rather than let her scuff his cockpit.

"Later," Skywarp said. He shared a quick glance with Thundercracker, flaring his optics out in a meaningful way. "How about I get us some energon, and TC tells you all about it?"

 _Traitor,_ Thundercracker thought, even as he nodded slowly and held his hand out to Updraft. She barely reacted to Skywarp's sudden teleport and took it, falling into step beside him. Of course the Air Commander had a private waiting room for his people, and Thundercracker led Updraft into it. He made a point of pulling Skywarp's makeshift chair-berth apart, and setting Updraft comfortably on one of the seats.

"Your wings are all twitchy," she said as Thundercracker sat down. "Are you worried about Starscream?"

Thundercracker forced a smile, but his wings twitched again despite his best efforts. She knew them much too well already.

"I am," he said. "But you don't have to worry too much." She was looking at him expectantly, but Thundercracker had already known he wouldn't be getting out of this. Instead he shifted, folding his hands in his lap. "Did Dreadwing tell you anything about what's going on?" It would be grounds to fire him if he'd said something stupid—but at least then Thundercracker wouldn't be to blame.

"He said it's to do with the spark," Updraft said. "But that could be lots of things. Right?"

"It could," Thundercracker said. He reached out, tapping the end of Updraft's nose. "Do you remember when we talked about how sparks give life? Or about how sparks have to do with you?"

Updraft nodded, then straightened up. "I remember," she said. "My spark ignited on Starscream's, and when it was ready it came off."

He'd been embarrassed, telling her this, but like the newly Forged sparklets seemed to take this information in stride. "Right. And you remember it takes...?"

"Two sparks," Updraft supplied. "I know, TC."

He had worried she would ask about other details, since spark talks generally came _after_ the interface-array talk (he had glossed over that, since she didn't even _have_ one and Primus knew he'd avoid that talk while he could).

Updraft swung her feet and looked down at her knees. "Is it because Starscream interfaced more that he got sick?"

"Sort of," Thundercracker said. He rubbed the back of his neck—at least she'd understood her life lesson. "Starscream ignited another newspark, but he miscarried it. That means it didn't take."

Updraft stared at him for a moment. "Oh," she said, quietly. "It died?"

"Yes," Thundercracker said, more softly. He reached out, stroking Updraft's helm, and found himself pleased when she leaned into his touch. "You would have had a little sibling, but-"

"-It died," Updraft repeated. Abruptly she leaned into his side, and gingerly Thundercracker set an arm around her. "That's sad."

"Yeah," Thundercracker said. For a couple of minutes, they sat in silence. This mentoring thing, it was getting easier. He wasn't as Skywarp levels, but he was doing his best. "Are you alright, Updraft?"

She looked up, and flashed a quickl, half-smile his way. "Yeah. Are you gonna take me to see Starscream?"

Thundercracker smiled, and stood. "Later, I think. Let's go see what taking Skywarp so long with that energon instead."

As Updraft took his hand, little fingers curled around his own, he imagined a sparklet holding his other one. Maybe balanced on his hip, if they were before their upgrade. With large red optics like their sister's and a round, chubby face—

Thundercracker shook the thought from his mind. One offspring of Starscream's already lived in the world, and she had had a hard enough go of it. Her carrier's pain changed nothing about what the outcome would have been.

* * *

Starscream didn't see Updraft in the hospital. Thundercracker and Skywarp told him she'd been by, as Starscream had slept off his spark trauma, and he'd found himself relieved. Surely his lieutenants had explained the situation, but the off chance that they hadn't was enough to put off the reunion.

He should have been relieved to be told that he wouldn't have another newspark to care for. The schedules of his employees were hard enough to jig around and suit his needs these days, and to throw another sparklet and nurse into the equation would have shattered his delicate system. Updraft's very existence was enough of a mess.

Still, this one wouldn't have had that...awkward matter of her sire. Still an absent sire, to be sure, but a _flying_ sire. A winged Vosian, and no possibility of an unhappy surprise in the future.

He ought not to think about such things, of how he hadn't even noticed this till an engex overcharge had forcedhis notice. That was how he'd discovered Updraft's presence on his spark, but the difference there was that she had lived. He had not been so deathly ill that a _child_ had been forced to call for help.

Thundercracker had patted his shoulder as they settled him back at home, and Starscream had made sure to stiffen up. _Sentimental fool,_ he thought to himself. But even his thoughts had no bite.

The painkillers weren't bad, and Thundercracker had left them by the bed. Starscream took three. He crawled into his berth (it had never been so welcome) and recharged deeply.

The next day, late in the afternoon, he found Updraft in the kitchen, standing on one of her new stools to wash used energon cubes and dishes. It could have been a funny sight, with her brows knitted in concentration and the oversized cubes balanced in one hand. She seemed wary when she looked up at him, but maybe that was his pounding headache. He thought little of it.

"Thundercracker told me what happened," she said bluntly. It went through Starscream's spark like a jolt. "Are you okay?"

Starscream sat, slowly,, on one of the bar stools. He didn't move to help Updraft with the dishes, and she continued to clean them as if he hadn't appeared at all. "I'm well enough," he said. "My lieutenants kept you out of trouble?"

"Yeah," she said. They said nothing more for awhile, until the last cube was dried and Updraft had set it in the rack. How long had this little thing done the dishes? (Primus, he had to replace the dispenser drone. His daughter was too high caste to wash plates.)

He watched her climb down off her stool, carefully setting her small feet on the ground. He expected her to leave him then, not look up at him with her wide red optics. "Are you really okay?"

Starscream was taken aback. Enough that he set his hand on her helm, making her stiffen, staring down at that little frame he shared an apartment with. More than ever, he remembered how long she had lived on his spark.

"Yes," he said, after a moment. "Thank you, Updraft. I will recover."

Seeming satisfied with that, Updraft spared him one more glance, then walked briskly back to her room. Starscream imagined a smaller sparklet toddling after her, pre-upgrade and chubby, and pushed the thought almost violently from his mind.

He would have had another newspark, and now he would not. It was simple as that.

It made his spark, newly empty again, twinge (which served only to annoy him—time emotional was time wasted). But maybe it was for the best. He already had his heir, and in these years with her he'd gotten no better at how to deal with that life.


End file.
